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Soul Mate or No Soul Mate
by : Ian Parker
Letís face it, dating is tough. Itís even tougher when you have to get past the social hurdles of being gay. No matter what, you must always remember that itís your first priority to be true to yourself and make sure youíre with the person youíre seeing for the right reasons. If you donít look out for yourself, no one else will.
Some people go through life thinking that they will never find ďThe One.Ē So they settle. They settle for abusive relationships, selfish lovers, cheaters, and liars Ė just because they donít want to be alone. They overlook the fact that sometimes being alone for a while is the best thing. Being alone gives you the opportunity to contemplate and decide what youíre looking for, where you want to look for it, and ultimately, where you want to be five or ten years down the road.
Iím not saying that you can plan out any relationship and follow each step of it like a schedule. The truth is, you never know what is going to happen. But if you know just a little bit of what you want out of a relationship, it will only be a benefit to you and the person youíre seeing. Nothing is worse than being with someone who doesnít know what they want.
That being said, here are some things you ought to consider before giving your heart Ė your most precious possession Ė away.
1. Never settle for someone who is selfish. True, we are all selfish in some way or another; but in the grand scheme of things, youíll want to be with someone who considers your feelings before acting. When you are working 3 jobs, and set aside a long-awaited Saturday night to spend with your loved one, you donít expect them to go out, get drunk, and fall asleep before you get to their house. That is selfish. Choose someone who puts your feelings above and beyond everything else. ďThe OneĒ will be waiting for you with a rose.
2. Speaking of roses, be sure to choose someone who is generous and thoughtful Ė someone who will surprise you with flowers or a nice dinner when you are tired and had a miserable day. They donít have to do it all the time, but once in a while, to show they care makes all the difference in a relationship.
3. Never settle for someone who is judgmental of others. The more tolerant a person is of others, the more tolerant they will be of you.
4. Never settle for someone who drinks too much or takes drugs. They will never change.
5. Never settle for someone who puts you down and makes you feel unimportant. This person does not care about your feelings. Mistreating you gives them a sense of power. Avoid this person like the plague. If you are involved with them already, tell them to take a hike Ė even if it is the hardest thing you ever had to do. Youíll thank yourself one day when you do meet ďThe One.Ē
6. Never settle for someone who doesnít know how to laugh and have fun, even in the most trying situations. Someone who can turn a rotten time into the best time is worthy of your time and love.
7. Never settle for someone who leaves you hanging about the future. If they canít commit to you now, chances are they wonít be committing to you anytime soon. Donít torture yourself chasing them around. Youíll be wasting your time.
8. Choose someone who helps you be the best person you can be. Be with someone who gives you good advice, and wants you to succeed.
9. Do not be with someone who is jealous Ė whether they are jealous of your relationships with your friends, or donít trust you to go out without them there. Without trust, a relationship has no foundation.
10. Choose someone with a big heart, who will love you no matter what you do.
Try to keep these things in mind the next time you make a decision about love. More often than not, you will be grateful that you did.
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